And then, when you get married and are expecting a baby, somehow you still don't feel like a "big kid" way deep down. You feel like a kid who is trying to be a adult. But you still have high hopes like a kid does, and irrational fears like a kid does. I wonder if God laughs at us sometimes, because He sees us all as children, and some of us swagger and strut like we somehow made into self-sufficiency, beyond dependency or mistakes. We play "dress-up" before God, trying to convince Him and everyone else what a "big kid" we are.
God uses baby's to humble us I think. That's not their main purpose but it effectively humbles us. It makes me look like bumbling idiots at times, trying to "get ready" for our son and learn what I need to know. And after the baby is born and you spend months getting used to them and think you have child-rearing down to an art, your baby hits another stage where you have to be dependent on God all over again. And again. Every season, of every year, through the toddler years, school years, pre-teen and teenage years, through their graduation into adulthood, and beyond. Even when your kids have their kids, you are still being dependent on God for them. Maybe that's why God has life in cycles the way He does. He starts us out as babies, where we are forced to be dependent, and when we finally perceive we've made it out of dependency on our parents or God, He gives us children to learn it all over again. We never graduate from God. We never grow out of Him. We never lose our every-waking moment need for Him. And that's not a thing to be ashamed of. He wants it that way, because He knows the huge difference between His ability and ours. In Him will live and move and have our being. Even as a mom, I'd rather be a kid before God. He's the perfect parent and knows how to take care of me, and love me. My strength is in His strength, my life in His life. And the best part about it to me? It gives Him such joy.
